I’m scared of going bald more than anything else. Well not anything. I could could probably think of scarier things, like candy crush or local buy, swap, sell groups on Facebook, but going bald is right up there too.
Here’s a scary family tree:
My grandfather was bald.
My father is bald.
His brothers are bald
Some of my cousins are balding/bald.
I don’t have any brothers, but if I did I’m sure they’d be bald too.
I am not bald and I am not balding (FACT).
My hair is lustrous, long and delicious (OPINION).
Yes – one day I could lose my stallion mane, but today is not that day.
My fears of going bald aren’t unjustified. My whole fathers side is DOA. And yeah yeah yeah – I know people say hair loss is from your mothers gene pool, but I’ve seen too many maternal baldies to hitch my wagon to that star.
Let me drop some real talk. If I did start to go bald I would spend a ridiculous amount of money to buy a wig so good, that people think its real, but would also probably have some suspicions. Because lets face it – Aint no wig perfect. I have done the homework.
I imagine conversations would go something like this.
Wig doubter: Clayton are you wearing a wig?
Wig doubter: Oh ok, looks a bit like a wig.
Me: It’s not.
Wig doubter: Can I pull on it.
Wig doubter: Why not?
Me: Sorry I have to go now.
Wig doubter: 😐
In the last couple of years, after watching some friends ‘transition’, it seems there truly is something about losing hair that hits guys deep in the man zone. It’s a loss of something more than hair, and its different for everyone. A loss of youth, looks, worth, pride – whatever. Vanity yes, but identity also.
It’s an involuntary dramatic change, and its a sink or swim situation, whether that’s shaving it, or confidently holding on to the horse shoe pattern scraps. There is a reconciliation process they need to go through.
I couldn’t do it. I would wig out. Literally. There’s a reason why the male hair loss market is a booming industry all over the globe. There are millions of guys (1 in 3) buying lotions, balms, creams, pads, shampoos, scrubs, spells and pills all in the aim of delaying, covering up or avoiding the harsh reality that is early onset male pattern baldness.
Because honestly the first time you have that shower where your drain is filling up with your own hair would be a pretty tough thing to wrestle with.
I have an honest respect for men that are bald, or are going bald and have learnt to embrace it.
And Lets face it, if there are men out there going bald or who went bald and did not go through some kind of introspective spiritual quest to find peace on some level, they were probably an uggo to begin with.